New Feature – Food Reviews for People Who Aren’t Pretentious

First a brief preface: I don’t understand writing anything from a pretentious point of view. Who wants to read something that calls them simple, dumb, or anything of the sort? Who wants to read something that tells them their tastes are too mainstream, or aren’t hip enough to be considered by such an individual of high esteem?

Now let me first suggest that I don’t consider myself a person of high esteem, and I’m most certainly not a hipster. I like what I like – wife, food, baseball – and I don’t need to be different than everyone else just to have that edge over others. Some people do, but I digress…..

Nevertheless, I’d like to debut an article series of “Food Reviews for People Who Aren’t Pretentious.” In doing so, here’s what to expect:

1. Reviews of any type of food. Literally any.
2. A fair, accurate, and detailed report of food from somewhere as simple as Wendy’s, to as fancy as _________. (You help me decide)

So today’s FR4PWAP (pretty awesome acronym, huh) is on Papa Murphy’s and their “Bacon Cheeseburger Pizza.”

I’ve literally wanted to try this pizza since I saw the commercial about two weeks ago. My wife doesn’t really like meat, so today while she was at work was my first real good chance to swing over and pick one up.

I went to the Papa Murphy’s near Grove Dr. in Maple Grove, and nabbed a large for $10 exactly.

For those unfamiliar with Papa Murphy’s, it’s basically the Subway of pizza places. You place an order, and they make it in front of you for a reasonable price. You can do a pre-determined type of pizza (for those who like analogies a bacon cheeseburger pizza at Papa Murphy’s is like a Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki at Subway), or you can pick whatever you want from scratch.

Papa Murphy’s is strictly a take-and-bake place, and the bacon cheeseburger pizza I got was on their regular crust (they also have a stuffed pizza that I’ve never had any good luck with….too doughy), which to me profiles somewhere in between a deep dish and a hand-tossed. Perfect thickness, to be honest.

Pizza eater’s note: With the way Papa Murphy’s loads its pizzas, it’s best to cut it into rectangular shaped slices, rather than the standard eight-piece cut.

Anyway, the bacon cheeseburger features a ketchup-based sauce (sounds bad, but is in fact terrific), and is topped with red onion, yellow onion, tomato, cheese, pickle, bacon, and sausage. I asked for extra sauce (always, always, always), and was pleasantly surprised with the final product.

The crust is equal parts chewy and crisp, and most importantly, cooks thoroughly despite an overwhelming amount of toppings. The cheese melted satisfactorily, but the onus there was on me trying to not overcook the pizza.

As a whole, the pizza is absolutely terrific. The crunch pickles mix with the well placed meats, onions, and cheeses to make a delightful pizza that truly does taste like a cheeseburger.

FYI: From a non-preheated oven, I baked the pizza for about 18 minutes.

Verdict: 92/100. A.

About Brandon Warne

Sportswriter trying to make it.
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5 Responses to New Feature – Food Reviews for People Who Aren’t Pretentious

  1. Havoc says:

    So that Pizza has about a 5.5 WAR huh?

  2. With replacement level pizza being so low, maybe 6.0

  3. Havoc says:

    Now that’s some pretty damn good pizza.

  4. Yep. Run to your nearest Papa Murphy’s if you have them in PR!

    • Havoc says:

      We have Papa John’s, Pizza Hut, Little Caesars, Pizzeria Uno, Domino’s and then the local pizza places everywhere. But that’s about it. 🙁

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